The big C (again)

I’ve been quiet on my blog for a couple of weeks now. Mostly it has been because my soul had nothing of note to report. I’ve woke each morning, spent my time with the Lord and experienced a peace that is leaves me emotionally flat. This is fine with me. I always cherish my quiet, alone time with God. Often, the Lord gives me a word of encouragement that I share with you, but not so these past days.

Last Wednesday I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. After an initial drop of heart to my gut, I settled into a space where I feel absolute at peace.  Maybe it’s because I battled the demon “fear of potential death” 14 years ago when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. At that time I figured the worst cancer could do to me was kill me, and then I’d be face-to-face with Jesus, so my attitude was, ‘bring it on!.’

Maybe because I’d had such a successful defeat of cancer at that time, I assume this outcome will be the same. “A touch of cancer” is how I describe my experience 14 years ago.

Maybe I’m in denial, out of touch with my fear and worries.

I think it is the first response, but I will not try to over analyze it, I will trust the Holy Spirit to hold and guide me in this process.

Sunday, in church, I had an ah-ha moment. I realized I need to respect this cancer, not treat it with a cavalier attitude, and brush it off with a slough of my heart and hand. If God has allowed it, God will use it to teach me something. I want to submit to the instruction of cancer. I don’t want to miss the lessons of trust and obedience and patience God might have in the lesson plans.

Will you pray with me that this treatment for cancer will not be wasted in my life? That through it I will grow more into the identity of God’s beloved daughter? That God’s glory will shine through me? That Jack and I will grow closer? That I will learn to let others love me by carrying me in prayer and in practical ways?

I’m asking a lot, I guess. But I trust you.

Again, I trust what one of my literary spiritual directors, Hannah Whittal Smith, has taught me.

It is no matter who starts our trial, whether man, or devil or even our own foolish selves, if God permits it to reach us, He has by this permission made the trial His own, and will turn it for us into a chariot of love which will carry our souls to a place of blessing that we could not  have reached in any other way

With you on the journey,

Debby

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9 thoughts on “The big C (again)

  1. Thank you for reminding me of the Hannah Whittal Smith meditation… I believe you will be beautifully carried, both by God and those around you.

  2. So many join your journey with prayers. I’m so privileged to be your sister and my walk with the Lord has been strengthened through your expressions of faith and trust. I pray God will be with you and Jack through this experience and I have His Word that He will. I love you.

  3. As we were 14 years ago, it is a privilege to be brought into your story. Thanks for sharing so vulnerably, Debby. We love you, Danielle and John

  4. Lifting you and Jack up in prayer for restoration to health and healing. God bless you during the quiet times of this part of your journey. love, Bonnie

  5. I’m so glad you feel peace, Debby. I couldn’t imagine our God would bring you anything else. Except the opportunity to grow, of course. And you can trust Him with both. I remember gathering in your little house on Prado 14 years ago and hoe much peace and trust you had then. I will pray for that again now, and remind you of this verse we sat in that day.

    Matthew 6: 25-31
    Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body… Look at the birds of the air… Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin…”

  6. Hi Debbie! I have just recently been reading some of your writings and immediately lifted you in prayer last week as I read your most recent news. Our hearts and prayers go out to you and Jack for this journey and I got a deep sense and request of God that for this journey true peace would be yours. I didn’t write that last week as I wondered how appropriate or non appropriate that would be to wish you “peace”,on this unknown journey, but after reading your writing today I sense Gods warm love for you, knowing He will carry you each day. And again wishing you a deep tangible peace that calmly holds you close, through the ups and downs of this journey. Big love from down under! Becca

  7. Your spirit, as always, shines as gold. Sweet, warm, gentle, loving. Praying that in this season of uncertainty, that the Lord uses the vulnerability you speak of to lift you to a fuller place of trust in Him, and through him, to others who need His touch so desperately. Much love.

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